I Did, Still Do and Will Forever

On the weekend I had the pleasure of sneaking into the gardens of Bella Vista and catching a sneaky glimpse of the lovely Jessica getting married to her handsome beau, Bradley. 

I don't have any pics to share with you as they requested no cameras or phones out during the ceremony as they wanted everyone to enjoy it (PS wonderful idea!) but I can assure you, the now Mrs Burgoyne looked S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G!! As she walked down the steps and along the path towards her hubby to be (while I sobbed like a 3 year old) I felt a tinge of sadness that I'd never get to do this all again - yes Dean that's right, you're stuck with me forever!

Then I thought to myself 'You selfish fool! You bagged him, tagged him and sealed him in with a baby (insert winky face!)'. Apologies in advance for the soppiness and corniness ahead.... but I thought it was time I went into more detail about my amazing better half.

Two crazy peas in one pod xox

In most relationships people would refer to the woman as the neat freak who is on top of everything and the man is the clumbsy idiot who is forgetful and mostly down-right useless. Well in our marriage I am the man in that sense. If I didn't have Dean I would forget anything and everything. Not only would I not have Addison, Kali and the wonderful home you have made for us, but I would probably still be running around in town like a drunken fool. True story. And yes, my mum's so proud (insert another winky face)!

As I've mentioned before, if I have a bad day Dean will swoop in and grab Addi from me when he gets home so I can have a break. When I was pregnant he rubbed my puffy, troll like feet and dealt with my bat-shit-crazy mood swings like a trooper. Only just last night he washed my hair then gave me a back rub because I'd had a rough afternoon wrestling with Addi. 

And I know what you're thinking, no man is THAT amazing, he must be gay. Well sorry to disappoint boys, but he is VERY STRAIGHT! Trust me, I know (need to get a winky face symbol or something!). Yep that's right, he's the whole package. 100% perfect and he's all mine. Well I share him with Kali & Addi, who have the best Daddy ever!

Daddy rules!

Reminessing about our perfect day (almost 3 years ago!) got me looking at our wedding photos and I stumbled across Dean's speech so I thought I'd share it with you all:

"Now as is the custom, there will be a few toasts during my speech, so please don't neck the whole glass at the first toast as you will need your glass for more....got that Kev?

My beautiful wife and I would like to thank you all for coming and helping us celebrate our special day. We hope that you're enjoying it every bit as much as we are, and how well it is going is a reflection on the monumental efforts from all involved.  

So I'd like to take this opportunity to, first of all, tell Lace how beautiful you look today.. and secondly To thank Lace for all the hard work and time she has put in to make today a success... and believe me it has been a hell of a lot of time.

They say you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you can't live without.. and I’m hoping you'll agree that statement sums Lace and myself up perfectly. I have lived with Lace for some time now and I know I am marrying the person I will be with for the rest of my life, and hope that everyday will be as
happy as today.

Leanne  I would like to thank you so much for everything you have done and for welcoming me so openly into your wonderful (if not slightly crazy) family.

Thank you not only for your hospitality this evening and your kindness, but for also giving me your very beautiful daughter. I feel very proud to be able to say that I am your son-in-law and I promise I'll take good care of Lace and of course do everything she tells me to.

Thank you for helping to make Lace the loving, considerate, fun and beautiful woman I fell in love with. So if you could all please raise your glasses and toast... Leanne.

I also want to say thank you to my parents for their love and support all these years, I'm very fortunate and proud to have you as my mum and dad. You have both been there for me when I've needed you and you've got me through the thick and thin. It must be very hard to come to terms that you raised such a perfect son, Dad you will remember that one time I thought I was wrong... but I was mistaken – So if you could all raise your glasses and toast... Mum and Dad.

To my best man, Daniel. A big thank you must go to him, he has been most helpful over the past few days, even this morning he gave me a list of nice wonderful comments to say about him, but it just reinforced my belief that he is a compulsive liar and to ignore everything he says about me! You have been a great mate for more years than I care to remember and there is no one I would rather have by my side for our wedding.

My next thank you is to the maid of honour Lauren. You are looking
fantastic today, and were a great help in keeping Lace calm this morning and getting her here on time. You have been a great support to Lace, not only today, but throughout the entire planning of this special day.

Before I hand you over to Daniel, I want to make two things perfectly clear:
1. If he's telling you about it, that means that he was there.
2. If he was there, whatever it was, was his fault.

All that remains to say is thank you to all of you for coming, especially those who travelled so far. Extra special thanks however, goes to the person who travelled the farthest, my new wife, who after a 5 year journey is still right here by my side. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast to my stunning new bride...Lace."

  

One of my favourite photos of the day

I cried then and yes I'm crying again reading and reliving it. Dean isn't the crazy, loud, out-spoken person I am, so to have him speak these beautiful words in front of our closest friends and family was unforgettable.  

So now I'd like you all to raise a glass (it's after 5pm on a weeknight, so wine is totally acceptable) to my husband, my best friend, my everything. I love you boo.

L xx

Solicit This!

Since becoming a mum I've come to appreciate the little things in life - a warm cuppa, a cool shower on a sticky, spewed-up-on-seven-times day and you all know I'm an addict for smelling my daughter's head.

But I've also discovered the things that piss me right off eg. hoons racing up the street, losers walking straight in front of my moving pram and the scums of the earth: door-to-door solicitors. I don't care whether you're selling roof tile cleaning or raising money for children in Africa - back the eff away from my front door and bugger off. 

Now please please PLEASE don't think I'm an insensitive asshole and don't care about the poor African children because I do, maybe even more so since having my own bubba. But I'm also on maternity leave, have extra expenses such as formula, nappies, wipes, etc so am on a limited budget which at the current time does not include charity donations. 

So on Monday about 11am Addi and I are having our usual 'sleep fight' in her bedroom. She's wrapped up, armed with her dummy and had gradually stopped kicking and wriggling, slowly on her way off to the land of nod.... Then there's a knock at the door. 

I was feeling curious as to whether it could be a delivery man with a parcel (has my online shopping addiction become so bad that I've bought something and forgotten about it?!) or some tool trying to sell me something. Well on Monday it was the latter. And to say I was annoyed was a massive understatement. 

This lil face gets me through the day!

While juggling Addi in one arm, trying to open fort nox with the other and shooing Kali out of the way with my right foot, I opened the door to discover 2 young lads wearing printed t-shirts displaying their charity's logo and carrying clip boards.

Great. Just effing perfect. 

So the conversation went like this:

Them: hi there, how are you going?

Me: hey guys. Look I don't have time right now, I'm trying to put my baby to sleep.

Them: OK no worries. We'll come back in about an hour.

Me: look I'd rather you didn't because you'll wake the dog which will wake the baby and she's very tired.

Them: well we're just trying to raise money for kids with disabilities... 

*I cut him off*

Me: LISTEN HERE YOU INSENSITIVE LITTLE RUNT. I HAVE MY OWN INFANT TO WORRY ABOUT SO. BACK. THE. EFF. OFF!!!!!

Ok I didn't actually say that. No, in fact I stooped a little lower:

Me: look she's really sick so I don't have time, thanks. *Shuts the door*

Yes, that's right. I used my child as an excuse to avoid annoying sales boys. And I weirdly said 'thanks' at the end... What the hell was that about?! Yes thank you boys for harassing me while I wrestle my little minion to sleep... While catching me in my spewed-up-on pajamas... And hair in complete disarray. 

It was one of those George Costanza situations where as soon as the interaction ceases you think of THE PERFECT response and then you obsess about it for the rest of the day. 

How was everyone else's week?

L xx

Bad Parenting 101

Well hello again. How have you been?

I've been OK. NO, STOP THE PRESSES .... that's a lie (yeah I lie a lot).

Apparently someone switched my chilled, laid-back little bubba with a stubborn devil child who doesn't like to sleep during the day, who then morphs into an evil gremlin baby when it comes to bedtime. 
Now admitting this probably makes me a "bad parent", and you know what? It probably does. But I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. 

Me a devil baby, HA! A likely story Mum....

 What classifies someone as a bad parent varies greatly on who is at the judges table with their score card critiquing every move you make. After last weeks post "Let The Judging Begin" I got to thinking about all the things I do as a mum that others probably judge me for and I compiled a short list (including a few things I'm most likely to do in the future):

1. I bottle feed my daughter
2. Kali is allowed to sniff and lick Addi (except for the face, for obvious reasons, and not her hands because her fist is the current flavour of the month)
3. I often rely on battery-operated (get your mind out of the gutter!) swings, play mats and toys to entertain Addi so I can have 5 minutes to enjoy a cuppa while it's still moderately warm, instead of my usual cup of cold misery
4. I give Addi a dummy
5. Sometimes I let her tilt her head towards the TV while I feed her a bottle so she'll actually concentrate and drink, instead of just giving the teat a series of tongue lashings
6. I love dressing Addi up in adorable things (and yes I am aware she's not a doll)
7. We let Kali sleep with us sometimes and I won't mind if she wants to jump into bed with Addi once she's older
8. Occasionally I've accidentally nicked some of Addi's skin while trying to trim her talons because she wriggles like a worm trying to escape the claws of a ravenous magpie
9.  Addi doesn't always get a bath everyday
10. I will feed Addi jar/pouch foods from time to time when I can't bothered to make my own puree food 
11. And when I can be bothered, it won't be pureed from organic fruit & veg, that shit is expensive. I didn't grow up on organic foods and I turned out OK, right...? 
12. I may occasionally employ the services of the TV to occupy Addi while preparing dinner, etc
13. I swear - in the house and in the car (I've worked on my physical gestural road rage since having Addi, but my verbal still needs some improvement)
14. When Addi was born I didn't have that instant "OMG I love you feeling". It took a few days... but blimey it's there now!

Sisters from different misters

So there you have it, I'm a terrible mother blah-blah-blah. Well you know what, my kid is effing amazing and I couldn't love anything else more if I tried so bite me. Sure a little more sleep and "me time" during the day would be amaze-balls, but every smile and every little giggle is worth it all a million times over.

L xx

PS. My mum (aka Nonny) is coming to babysit the girls tomorrow night when Dean and I have our first ever date night since having Addi - details next week!
PPS. The anxiety of leaving Addi hasn't set in yet.

Let the Judging Begin!

There are many women who talk, write and blog about motherhood these days and how difficult it is, as if it was previously taboo to admit. But I still think many mums judge each other on their parenting abilities, how they've dressed their child and the level of makeup they've put on to pick their child up from school. In a few years time I'm sure I'll be doing the school run with a bare face and wearing saggy-bum trackies from Kmart.

I'm just going to put it out there and admit that I might say I don't give a wahzoo about what other people think... but the truth is I often do. I sometimes need other people's approval to feel good about myself. There, I said it. My name is Lacey and I am an I-care-what-other-people-think-of-me-aholic. 

The things that people may judge me for have changed since becoming a mum and now there's a little mini-me in the equation, perhaps I care even more? Well it's now my mission to try to care less and tell people to stick their opinions up their bum. And to remember to say these things in my head, not aloud (I don't grow my nails any longer than about 2mm these days, to avoid unnecessary poo situations, so I don't think I'd do very well in a cat fight).

But I'll admit I'm also not perfect in the judging-others department either. Only this week I saw one of the mum's pull up at our Baby Sensory class in a BMW 4WD and immediately thought we probably wouldn't become friends. Not because of the BMW. I just presumed that someone who has enough money to waste on such an elaborate motor vehicle wouldn't get my bogan, often distasteful sense of humour, nor would they approve of my 2009 scuffed up (by me) Subaru Impreza. 

Someone who I know for sure doesn't give a rats is my good friend and fellow mumma bear, Ally. This self-professed hippy gave birth to the forever adorable Mali six months ago and is quite possibly the most anti-caring-about-what-other-people-think advocate I know... and I think it's just aces.
 

The gorgeous Mali living life in the fast lane

She's a proud breast feeder, is into attachment parenting, co-sleeping and is just starting Mali on baby led weaning (fellow mummas, don't be embarrassed if you have to Google what the hell this means... So did I). And Ally's not just doing all of these things because a doctor told her to or because it's the latest parenting craze. She's made these choices because she's done her research and it's what works best for her and her chubba bubba. 

Attention fellow approval seekers - we can all take a page from Ally's book and flip someone the bird if they're staring at you for breastfeeding your bub at a coffee shop. This is her baby, she's going to raise her however she damn well pleases and if you have a problem with that, be prepared to cop some colourful language repeatedly featuring the 'c' word. 

I have come up with my own style for raising my Addison and it's called "wing it and see" parenting. Here's how it works:

 1. Try anything other than shaking your baby to sleep i.e dummies, out of pitch singing, rocking, pacing the hallway 378 times, etc. (Sorry Tizzie, but my way is going to save my sleep in more ways than your book suggested).

2. Try breastfeeding. If it doesn't work out or you wish to stop for whatever reason (and your reasons are yours and yours alone... yours yours YOURS!), don't reach for the tissues. Simply go to Coles and buy a can of formula. Happy, nourished baby - tick!

3. Don't be embarassed to spend all day in your pjs. They're comfy, smell like your baby's delicious head and when answering the door the person on the other side is only going to be jealous. 

4. Take any and all advice given to you from people you don't know and write each one down on a seperate piece of paper. Now you will probably need a full ream of A4 because a bunch of nosy people felt it their right to give advice to a hormonal, pregnant stranger. Scrunch up all the paper and throw into the recycling bin. Or if you have a fireplace, save it for perfectly good kindling come Winter time.

So there you have it, parenting should not be textbook. If it was all babies would be the same and some scientist or doctor would have found a 'cure' for colic, general fussiness and screaming for no obvious reason. 

Although I'm not very far into my journey of motherhood, one piece of advice I will give to new parents is this - if your baby is fed, sleeps wherever and whenever you can get it to and cries just shy of the amount it would take your neighbours to call DOCS, you're doing just fine. 

Hug those little buggers to an inch of their life and sniff their heads 'till you're dizzy. And enjoy this time, it goes WAY to fast!

L xx

The Degrees of Separation

So this week I had to leave Addi for the very first time. Yes that's right. Go out into the big, wide world for an ENTIRE DAY (well from 9 till 3 anyway) without my baby.

Our babysitter for the day was my wonderful mother-in-law Robyn aka "Nanny Rob" who more than jumped at the opportunity when we asked her a few weeks back to babysit the girls. (And yes Mum, you'll get to babysit next time, calm your farm!!)

All ready for a day with Nanny Rob

I only did this because it was an appointment we both had to go to and really couldn't bring Addi with us. Now don't think for one second I had any doubt about Nanny Rob's ability to look after our little gems! After all she raised 3 of her own, including my glorious husband. Nor did I think the girls would mind - I don't think Addi even noticed I was gone, and quite frankly I think Kali would much prefer spending the day with her favourite-person-in-the-world anyway. 

You can determine Kali's level of love by the velocity of her wagging tail upon someone's arrival. And when Nanny Rob's car pulls up out the front, you can be sure Kali's tail could whip you so hard it would look like you've been involved in some sort of kinky 50 Shades of Grey accident. 

Back to D day. I had been dreading this day for weeks - how could I leave my poor little infant ALL DAY??? How would she cope without my love, cuddles and constant annoying high-pitched chitchat? But wait... Maybe the problem was me. I got so worked up fretting about this day that it crept up on me like a sneaky leaf of coriander hiding in my Thai... Until the morning was here and I could no longer hide from it. 

Much to my surprise I handled it quite well and I give myself 83 pats on the back for keeping it together. I didn't cry nor did Dean have to pry Addi out of my motherly kung fu grip. Everyone survived! 

Also a special mention to princess Avalon & handsome Oliver who have both started BIG school this week in QLD! I wonder how your Mummies coped?! The very best of luck at school, you 'lil rock stars will smash it!! 

So congratulations to me for not having an emotional meltdown. A well done to Avie & Oliver's parents for obviously keeping it together (I only presume this as I heard no echoed sobbing coming from Brisbane or from the Gold Coast). And a massive thank you to Nanny Rob for babysitting. Hopefully Addi didn't cause you enough grief so you'll never want to do it again (that is if I'm on my death bed and can't lift my arms to hold my little cherub). 

So to all the mumma bears out there who face leaving their bubbas for the day (even an hour) or farewelling their little protégées off to big school - remember they'll be fine. They might flash their pink undies to the boys or swap their apple for a Nutella cup, but they're your little angels and you've done an amazing job.

L xx

First time mumma. First time blogger.

I'm 24, married, have a new bubba and live in the 'burbs of Newcastle. Well OK... part of that is a lie, but if we're going to be friends you'll let it go.

I have a baby. She's 13 weeks old and she is amazing. But she's also hard work. We have good days and we have bad days. And after you've had a few good days in a row, a bad one will knock you for six. 

My little poppet, Addison Lily

 

This morning for example, I was crazy tired and half asleep. Addi didn't want to sleep or have a bottle. She just wanted to scream so hard and so loud I could barely calm her down. So much so that my husband came home from walking the dog to find me with tears rolling down my face, pacing the bedroom in desperation for her to settle. 

Hubby of the year every year, Dean

And this is where my saviour, my hero if you will, comes into the story. His name is Dean and he is the best thing since sliced bread. There is no way I could do any of this without him. If I've had a bad day or night with Addi, he's there. When he notices (and he always does) that I'm getting frustrated or stressed, he'll take over. I really should buy him a 'Super Dad' t-shirt or something... crap, now I've probably ruined the only idea I'll ever have for a father's day present - suggestions anyone?

Not only did this hairy spunk pull me out of my drunken, crazy ways (well most of them anyway), he married me & had a baby with me - perhaps I should judge him a little for wanting to spend the rest of his life with a lunatic like me? *Note to self, ponder this again later*  Either way he is my rock, my best friend and I thank my lucky stars everyday that nearly 8 years ago I "raped his face" at King Street *cringe* and he became mine! (A lovely story to tell our daughter one day)

Our always hungry Kali girl

   

Early last year we rescued a 5 yr old staffy-x named Kali. At the time I didn't know whether it was such a good idea to take on a new family member when we had just found out we were pregnant, but now we couldn't imagine our lives without her. Some people might say she's spoilt and we treat her like a princess (all of which is true), but it's because she's not just our dog, she's our fur baby. Kali didn't leave my side for hours when I found out my Nan was dying and I was a sobbing mess. And follows me around the house when I'm pacing like a crazy person pleading with my infant to go to sleep. She's my fury, little shadow and I absolutely adore her. 

So where to from here? Well I'd like to say I'll try and write at least once a week, and I will try. But those close to me know I'm forgetful, lazy and to be honest, I just half-arse things sometimes. Nether the less, I welcome you on my journey of deodorant-less days, sleepless nights and the all round craziness that is my life as a new mumma bear.

L xx